Even before the current pandemic, we were already in the midst of a global mental health crisis, and the arrival of novel coronavirus has just made things worse. According to a recent survey, four out of ten people say their mental health has declined due to worry and stress related to the new coronavirus.[1]
For many people, this anxiety has roots in fear, whether of the coronavirus itself or of its social and economic repercussions. During a time when we are being told what to wear, where to go, and who we can spend time with, many people are afraid of permanently losing civil liberties. Many others are afraid that their financial security (and in some cases, their life’s work) is being threatened. Meanwhile, most of us have worry for our own health or fear for those we love.
Fear of the unknown is pervasive right now. As hard as we may try, we can’t really think our way through this. There is just too much that is unprecedented and many of our typical ways of coping just aren’t available or aren’t working. There is no simple answer and so much conflicting information, and there are so many unanswered questions: When will the coronavirus pandemic end? What caused it? How can we protect ourselves, both from the virus and from its consequences? And what will recovery look like?
Even though our entire global community is in this together, that doesn’t mean we are all being impacted in the same way or to the same extent. At some level we are all afraid and there is no one way to manifest fear. There are many different manifestations of fear and it can be hard to recognize it in other people. In a crisis it is easy to assume that other people are overreacting, don’t care or are just plain stupid or crazy. It is so human to try and categorize what doesn’t make sense to us. However, by failing to understand what underlies other people’s actions, we risk feeding into the collective animosity and divisiveness that is taking hold of our society.
Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be that way. By learning about how fear works, we can cultivate greater forgiveness and compassion. And by accepting difficult emotions, we can respond calmly and more consciously in times of crisis.
Why Fear Isn’t Necessarily A Bad Thing
Culturally, we’ve been taught to avoid fear. When we’re worried about something, other people immediately try to calm us down. “Don’t worry,” they say. “Everything will be alright.” Most people who are dealing with fear are wondering how to beat that fear, get away from it, or to shut it away. But fear has a purpose: to protect us. Thanks to fear, we can recognize threatening situations and take steps to avoid them. That’s why fear is actually a good thing in many circumstances.
On the other hand, fear that is too intense or too pervasive can often do more harm than good.
To better understand how fear works and how it can cause counterproductive behaviors, consider how fear is viewed from the perspective of Internal Family Systems (IFS). The IFS therapy model acknowledges that there are many different parts within each of us and that each has needs.
For example, there are vulnerable parts inside each one of us that need to feel safe. These parts typically develop during childhood and tend to behave like frightened children. Thanks to the pandemic and its cascading effects, those fragile parts of us are getting very deeply triggered right now. In an attempt to protect those vulnerable parts, other parts jump to our defense and may take the form of angry, judgmental, compulsive, or controlling thoughts and actions.
Jumping back and forth between fear and other, more aggressive emotions can make a person feel confused, out of control, or even ashamed. But this emotional flux is adaptive and evidence of how our inner world works to keep us safe. By talking about your fear responses with an experienced therapist, you can come to appreciate your fear and the protective responses that may follow. When you can accept all of these different parts and begin to restore balance between them, you can gain greater control, calm, and emotional stability.
Facing Your Own Fears
If you’re like many people, you’re not fully in touch with your own fears. For better or for worse, the current pandemic is an opportunity to explore your various parts and to make peace with them. Say you’re feeling angry, restless, hopeless, irritable, or sad. You can start by asking yourself this simple question: “What am I afraid of?” If you’re not sure, I invite you to consider your recent behaviors. What have you been spending time on or feeling compelled to do? Are you protesting, checking your news feed 20 times a day, or getting into fights on social media? How might these actions be an attempt to cope with fear?
Exploring negative thinking patterns can also shed light on the most vulnerable parts of you. What thoughts seem to be on repeat, perhaps keeping you up at night? Have you been having nightmares or strange dreams? Might a fear of the unknown—or some present danger—be underlying some of these thoughts?
Questions like these can help you move from experiencing strong emotions to observing them. By stepping outside of your fears and viewing them objectively, you’ll immediately feel calmer and less reactive. You’ll also find it easier to accept and show compassion for the various parts of you. This exploration also frees you to make more conscious choices that promote internal balance.
Finding Compassion For Other People’s Fears
Exploring how fear drives behavior can also help you relate more peacefully with others, even if they have different fears or react differently to them than you do. Rather than being offended or angered by actions that seem stupid, mean, or wrong, you may be able to recognize them for what they truly are: a response that is being driven by fear.
Right now I would venture to say that everyone is afraid of something. Many of us are feeling angry, frustrated, and divided, but we have a choice. We can either let our fears continue to push us apart or we can use them to build compassion and understanding. We could choose to see our shared fear as a uniting force in all of this. The recognition that we are all scared of something and finding compassion and a point of connection in this time could make all the difference. The choices we make now will determine how quickly we recover from this crisis and the sort of world we create for ourselves and others as the dust settles.
I offer therapy for people struggling with fear, anxiety, and other difficult emotions. Schedule a free 30-minute consultation today to find out more about how you can transform frightening life experiences into powerful opportunities for personal growth. For an appointment or questions, call or text (720) 984-9575 or visit my contact page. You can also click the button below to schedule online.