In Part 1 of her Living With Purpose blog series, Renee Ellis revealed that helping others is one of the best ways to help ourselves. In this second part, she explains how to “pick your crisis” and find a cause that will energize and excite you.
One of the most common reasons clients come to me is because they feel called to serve in some way but aren’t sure how. “What is my purpose? How do I find my calling?” they often ask. Unfortunately, the answer is often elusive.
This is especially true when life—overall—is okay. On the other hand, strangely, clarity is one of the gifts of chaos. There are so many problems in the world today and they are coming into our awareness in a very real way. Problems that have been there, laying under the surface as with systemic oppression, or a world away as with COVID-19, have come into focus.
There are so many ways to help others. Some days it feels like you could just list the day’s headlines on a board and throw a dart as a strategy for picking your crisis. All of the headline-worthy events in our world feel important, but to really serve, you need to discern which one is right for you. Broadly, you could start by asking whether you want to help people physically? Psychologically? Economically? Environmentally? Spiritually?
Once we start exploring the topic of one’s calling, many clients come up with ideas but wonder if their calling is “good enough.” Some people I’ve worked with have gone on to start nonprofit organizations, which is amazing. That said, finding your life’s purpose doesn’t have to be about doing something big. Maybe you have a grand vision to completely rebuild a social system and make a difference in thousands of people’s lives. On the other hand, your destiny may simply be to make life better for your children or for your next-door neighbor. We are not all meant to be on the frontlines or in the most visible positions. The authenticity—not the scope—of your calling is what matters.
So you may be wondering how to find the right calling. Sometimes in therapy I find it’s easier to start with what you don’t want. You can start by simply asking yourself what feels wrong for you. To this end, I like to ask clients what is something they do in their lives that feels like the ill-fitting sweater that they pull on year after year. Questions like these are important because the social conditioning we’ve all been subjected to can make it hard to figure out which interests are innately ours and which we’ve taken on.
The quality of energy you feel when you think about a potential calling can lend a clue. Do you feel tired and overwhelmed when you talk about it? If you feel obligated or unmotivated, it may not be your true calling. A good therapist can help you uncover the source of that obligation and in so doing, recognize the inauthenticity of it.
Your true passion may still deplete you at times, especially when you really give yourself to it, but the difference is you wake up the next morning still feeling called and ready to do it all over again. In this way, your calling will also energize you. Sometimes this energy is confusing at first, but a spiritually-minded therapist can help you detect it by watching, listening, and feeling for it during sessions.
Working with clients, I’ve noticed how easy it is to fall into the trap of feeling bad if you’re still exploring your calling. It’s important to know that for most people, finding your passion is a process, not a one-time revelation. While there are always a few people who seem to have known from birth what they would bring to the world, for the majority of us, we clarify this picture as we go.
As you explore your passions, you may end up discarding some as inauthentic. At the same time, you may encounter internal and external hurdles such as self-doubt or financial restrictions that must be overcome. As you peel away the layers of doubt and inauthenticity, you can connect more deeply with a calling that is truly and deeply yours.
Your Passions Are Calling
We are hard-wired to help others. Our ancestors survived flood and famine by banding together, and we can endure modern problems in the same way. There have always been many different ways to help others, and the current pandemic and social climate have created a whole new set of financial, mental, spiritual, and physical crises that need tackling.
At the same time, the need for social distance has made us feel more disconnected than ever. The illusion of separateness that has always been so pervasive in Western society feels even more real right now. Many of us are feeling unsure and ungrounded, but connecting with others and with issues we care about can tether us.
Caring for others is not just the “right thing to do.” It’s more than a way of bolstering our own mental health. Our willingness to collectively solve modern problems can make the difference between our species thriving and merely surviving. Things may feel like they’re falling apart right now, but what better time is there to build something new? There are so many people calling for help right now. How will you answer?
Even if you’ve found a way to serve others that feels right for you, you may still feel directionless in other areas of your life. In Part 3 of her Living With Purpose series, Renee will explain how to establish a personal mission that will allow you to keep your bearings no matter where life takes you.